


It Was Just A Joke

by messedupstargazer



Series: Rae's Whumptober 2019 [3]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Bad Sibling Michael, Canon Divergence - Lucifer (TV) Season 04, Chloe KNOWS, Dan Espinoza Finds Out, Don't copy to another site, Ella Knows, Ella Lopez & Lucifer Morningstar Friendship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Good Friend Dan Espinoza, Have A Read of My Lovely Family Drama, I'm Projecting Hard Here, Lucifer Loves His Humans, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Needs A Hug, Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV) Whump, My Own Version of Michael, Panic Attacks, Post-Lucifer (TV) Season/Series 03, Protective Chloe Decker, Protective Dan Espinoza, Protective Ella Lopez, Protective Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), The Author Regrets Nothing, all of them - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 01:36:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20899490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/messedupstargazer/pseuds/messedupstargazer
Summary: Prompt four for Whumtpober- Human Shield (or technically an Angelic Shield)Lucifer was simply enjoying some time with his humans when Michael shows up.  He had never wanted to see his twin again, not after the Battle of Heaven.  But he had to make sure that his humans were safe.  He didn't care how it happened, but his humans were his priority.  He had to protect them, no matter the cost to himself.





	It Was Just A Joke

Lucifer was laughing at some joke Miss Lopez was telling after a successful case when he first felt it. Even though it had been centuries, he always sensed when his twin landed near him. It had been one of the benefits of being Heaven’s only twinship.

He turned and saw Michael walking down the stairs into the precinct. It seemed she had learned from her siblings as she wore clothes that fit naturally into the human world, not her normal armor, though she looked more like Maze than he would be dumb enough to tell her. Her golden hair shining in the sun, her fair skin almost glowing, her lifeless blue eyes narrowed onto him. Had he not known his twin, he would’ve assumed she was a normal human being in a police precinct.

“Lucifer, you okay? You went all quiet all of a sudden.” Miss Lopez touched his arm, causing him to jump.

“Get behind me.” Lucifer hissed. “Now.”

“Lucifer, what’s going on?” Chloe, dear sweet Chloe, asked.

“Get behind me and stay behind me.” Lucifer repeated.

He put his arms out to shield his humans from his sister’s wrath.

Michael had reached them by that point, letting out a humorless laugh.

“Unlike one of us, I still follow our Father’s laws.”

“What do you want, Michael?” Lucifer asked.

“Can’t I just visit my twin brother?” Michael pouted, the false exaggeration convincing his humans.

“Dude, you have a twin?” Miss Lopez asked, sounding excited.

“Has he not told you about me?” Michael’s eyes gleamed. “Brother I’m disappointed. I’m Michael. Lucifer’s twin.”

Dan went to extend his hand but Lucifer kept him back.

Michael rolled her eyes, the natural look for her when the twins met.

“I told you I wasn’t going to do anything to your pets.” She sneered, her annoyance at him clear.

“Pets?” Dan said offended, pulling his hand back.

“Why are you here?” Lucifer demanded. “You haven’t visited me ever, why are you here?”

“Father, of course.” Michael said, as if talking to a five-year-old. “He wanted to _thank_ you for getting rid of his punishment. On Cain.”

Chloe gasped, and reached for her gun instinctively.

“Come, human, you know that won’t work on our kind.” Michael condescended.

“It’s all right, Chloe, I’ve got this.” Lucifer tried to give her a hopeful smile. If her face was anything to go by, he didn’t manage it.

“I thought you never lied, brother.” Michael teased.

“I’ve received the message.” Lucifer said. “There’s no reason for you to stay.”

“Oh, I can think of a few.” Michael purred, low in her throat. He took a step back, instinctively, his arms trying to protect his humans. She advanced, like a predator stalking prey. “Uriel, for one. Mom. Cutting off your wings. Running away from your post. The Rebellion.”

“Go home, Michael.” Lucifer tried to portray a confidence he didn’t feel. “Unless you want to reveal yourself to all of these wonderful people.”

“No, I don’t really want to be seen right now.” Michael replied.

Lucifer cursed under his breath. When Michael didn’t want to be seen, she wasn’t.

Michael laughed at him. “Besides, two have already had the revelation, I’m just surprised the male hasn’t gotten it. Then again, he doesn’t seem to be the brightest type. After all, _Mom_ liked him.

“Daniel is a bloody brilliant human.” Lucifer hissed. “He may be a douche at times, but he’s a good human at heart. I won’t hear you insult him.”

He felt Dan’s hand on his shoulder, nearly making him jump out of his skin. Dan squeezed in a way Lucifer recognized as humans trying to assist. “Maybe you oughta leave. Lucifer doesn’t want you here.”

Michael laughed her laugh, high-pitched and just as cruel as he remembered it.

“I don’t take orders from humans.” Michael said, disgust written clearly on her face. “Let alone a human like you.”

“Why are you here, Michael?” Lucifer pressed. “If He just wanted to give me a message, He would be sent Gabriel. Why did you come?”

“I volunteered, brother.” Michael rolled her eyes again. “Gabriel was busier with… more important matters.”

Realization dawned on Lucifer. “He didn’t send you. You came here of your own volition.”

Michael sighed. “Fine. You caught me. He didn’t explicitly tell me yes or no so I decided to interpret our Father’s word in my favor. Just like the humans do. Just like you did.”

_“Well Father never explicitly said I couldn’t go after the Flaming Sword so I decided to interpret his words in my favor.”_

Lucifer had said that to her as they fought over access to the Flaming Sword, during his Rebellion. That fight, while always very fresh in his mind, seemed so long ago right now.

“Just go home, Michael.” Lucifer pleaded. He hated submitting power in their conversation but usually when he submitted, Michael left him alone. Michael liked to play with her food rather than eat it.

“Mhm, don’t really want to, Luci.” Michael took another step towards him. “You see, I don’t mind being on Earth as much as our brothers and sisters do. There’s a few things I’ve missed about you.”

Like watching a train wreck in slow motion, he couldn’t tear his eyes away, knowing exactly what his sister meant. She cocked a fist back and swung.

He flinched back, hard.

She had stopped maybe an inch from his face.

“Luci, you’re such a coward.” Michael scoffed. “Why don’t you just go running to Mom like you always do? Maybe I should throw you back in Hell myself, since Ammemadiel won’t do his job anymore. Send you back to where you belong like I did the first time.”

_Michael’s boot making contact with his chest, sending him flying across Heaven, falling, unable to stop himself, his wings limp and useless behind him as he fell down, down, down… _

“Lucifer _is_ where he belongs!” Miss Lopez shouted, surprising him. She escaped his hold on his humans and threw herself in front of Lucifer. Lucifer was too stunned to stop her. “How dare you come in here and try to hurt him? He’s your brother, your twin, for Chrissake!”

Michael stared at her, wide-eyed. No one had ever challenged the Soldier of God in such a way before, let alone a tiny human.

Miss Lopez barely noticed, and continued on. “You should be ready to throw down for him at any moment! That’s what family is for! You protect each other, help each other, love each other! You don’t strike fear into their hearts! You don’t make them flinch at your touch! You support them, love them, make sure they know you’ve always got their back! And you know what, if you won’t do it, then I guess I’ll have to do it for you!”

Miss Lopez stood, all five foot four of her, in front of Lucifer just as he had done moments ago, arms spread wide to protect him. Chloe was next, putting herself in front of him, followed quickly by Dan. Lucifer froze, unable to stop them, unable to force himself to put himself in front of his humans to protect them from his sister.

Michael looked dumbfounded, even unsettled, and Lucifer knew her well enough to see the smallest flash of fear in her eyes. He knew no one had ever called out Michael like this, she ran the Soldiers of Heaven like her own personal army, and no one dared to go against what she said when she decided to say it. Michael’s face twitched, as if she was unsure of what emotion she wanted to portray, finally settling on a crude smile.

“It was just a joke.” Michael murmured, obviously trying to diminish the human’s perception of her power, to Lucifer’s astonishment even taking a couple steps back. “Luci and I used to joke like this all the time. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal.” Dan said. “You need to leave.”

“I didn’t even touch him.” Michael pouted, the same face she would always make to their Father when they fought sending a jolt through Lucifer. “He’s just overreacting. He always overreacts.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Chloe said. “You are not welcome here. Lucifer does not want you here, and if you stay, I’m going to arrest you for trespassing.”

Michael dropped her victim act. She looked angry, but he knew she wouldn’t strike at him with his humans in front of him. “Lucifer, I don’t know how you did it, but somehow you’ve gone from leading an angelic Rebellion to leading humans. If this is how you want to spend your time, go ahead. Just make sure to remember who can enter the Silver City when she wants to, and who can’t.”

“Go to Hell, Michael.” Lucifer snapped. “Maybe _you_ can rule there for a few hundred years. See how _you_ like it.”

Michael started to draw her fist back again, aborted her actions when Chloe, Dan and Miss Lopez all stood up straighter to protect him, and then stomped off. He could feel her wings fly her back to Heaven until she was out of his range.

“Oh my gosh _that’_s your sister?!? No wonder you never talk about her, growing up together must’ve been Hell.”

“Man, I had no idea your family was like that, I can’t believe your own sister would hurt you like that.”

“Lucifer, are you okay? Did she hurt you? Are all of your other siblings like that? Oh my gosh, was Amenadiel like that?”

All of his humans were talking at the same time, and he could barely distinguish who was saying which words.

“Ella, Chlo, give him some air.” Dan said, breaking the cacophony of sounds. “He looks like he’s about to be sick.”

Miss Lopez backed up immediately, and Chloe helped him into her chair. His chest felt tight, but he wasn’t sure whether to tell Chloe to leave or beg her to stay. He wasn’t sure what was going on with him at the moment.

“Lucifer?” Chloe asked, her beautiful eyes scanning him for any injuries.

“Why?” He finally found his voice through the lump in his throat.

“Why what, man?” Dan said, gentler than he’d ever heard Dan before.

“Why would you do that?” Lucifer looked at them, his fear mixing in with his surprise. His chest started heaving. “You don’t know what she could’ve done to you. My sister is one of the most powerful creatures my Father ever created. She can do things that my siblings can barely dream of. And you threw yourselves in front of me.”

Miss Lopez put a hand on his arm. “Of course we did. I’ve taken a few beatings for my brothers. That’s what you do for family.”

Miss Lopez’s words, while he knew they came from a place of affection, did nothing to help the pain in his chest. If anything, they made it worse. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. Michael was going to come back and hurt them, Michael was going to hurt them, Michael was going to hurt him, Michael, Michael Michael-

“Lucifer, you’re having a panic attack.” Dr. Linda’s voice came through a phone that had been placed next to his ear, shocking him out of his spiral. “I want you to listen to me very closely. Can you hear me?”

“Y-y-y-yes.” Lucifer gasped out.

“Good, good.” Dr. Linda said. “Now, I want you to follow my instructions.”

Lucifer tried to do as she asked, controlling his breathing and rationalizing that his heart wasn’t about to beat out of his chest, until the vice around his chest eased and he was himself again, if a little exhausted.

“What was that?” Lucifer asked.

“A panic attack.” Dr. Linda explained gently, using her therapy voice. “People get them sometimes when they’re under a severe amount of stress, such as interacting with an abusive sibling again.”

“The Devil doesn’t panic, doctor.” Lucifer recited on instinct.

“Of course not, Lucifer.” Dr. Linda soothed. “That’s just what humans named them.”

It was then he realized his humans were still crowding around him, shielding him from onlookers and the outside world. Each one wore an expression of concern and mild fear.

“You back with us?” Chloe asked.

“When did I leave?” Lucifer replied. “I have not left the precinct since we closed the case. I would not abandon you to my sister’s wrath.”

That elicited small but strained smiles from his humans.

“Lucifer, I’ve got another patient coming in.” Dr. Linda said, sounding regretful. “Will you be alright until your appointment tomorrow?”

“I think so, thank you doctor.” Lucifer said, hanging up Chloe’s phone and handing it back to her.

A stiff silence hung around them for a moment.

Miss Lopez, as expected, broke it. “Are you okay?”

“I will be, darling.” Lucifer said. “Just need a couple tumblers of whiskey, I think.”

“So that’s Michael.” Dan said, as if testing the name out. “That’s Saint Michael. The archangel.”

“Heaven doesn’t actually really have archangels as you humans have created them.” Lucifer explained. “Technically, we have ranks in the Heavenly Host but that didn’t matter like you humans assumed it did. No, what mattered most was who was our Father’s favorites. Michael was one of them. I wasn’t.”

Dan wiped a hand across his face. “That’s nuts. Man, I used to pray to Saint Michael when I was younger.”

“I doubt she heard you, if it makes you feel better.” Lucifer said. “Sainthood is a human creation. Especially for my brothers and sisters. Angels have little cares about what happens on the mortal world. Unless dear old Dad instructs us to.”

Dan nodded.

“Wait, so you finally understand what I am?” Lucifer asked.

“Kinda hard to not right now.” Dan shrugged, looking afraid but he didn’t seem to be coming undone at the seams. “Your sister walks in here and no one notices. She dresses like Maze but with less visible knives and no one notices. She threw a punch at you and _no one notices_. She says she doesn’t want to be seen and you freak. She’s been calling us humans and pets and talks about wings and throwing you in hell, again? Amenadiel promised me Charlotte was in Heaven, and somehow I believed him. I finally felt at peace after that shitshow with Marcus. And you’ve been calling yourself the Devil since day one, saying you don’t lie? Yeah man, I get it now.”

Lucifer stared at him for a moment. “How do you feel?”

“Don’t focus on me, you’re the one with the fucked up family.” Dan said.

“Was-” Chloe’s voice was hesitant, “Were all of your siblings like that?”

“No.” Lucifer said, and all three of them sagged in relief. “Michael was the only one who ever got physical. Michael and I were the only twins in the entire Heavenly Host so we had a different relationship than with any of my other siblings. A lot of them disagreed with me, or just didn’t like me, but Michael was the only one. The problem wasn’t my other siblings joining in. The problem was none of my other siblings, nor my parents, believing me. Michael was the perfect daughter, the perfect angel, the firstborn of the twins. I was the one who asked too many questions and didn’t do as he was told.”

“I have never wanted to punch God in the face more than I do right now.” Miss Lopez said, and made to remove her necklace.

“Please don’t, Miss Lopez.” Lucifer stood on shaky legs, grabbing her hand. “My father and I may not have the best relationship, but I do know my sister adores you. Don’t throw away the whole barrel because you don’t like one apple.”

Miss Lopez stopped, and wrapped her arms around Lucifer. He patted her back.

“Oh my gosh, you don’t like touch, you probably don’t want to be touched right now, do you? Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.” Miss Lopez pulled herself back, though he could tell all she wanted to do was wrap him up and never let him go.

“Thank you, Miss Lopez. I appreciate the effort.” Lucifer made sure to give her the most comforting smile he could manage. She smiled back so he considered that a win.

“Since the case has been solved, the murderer punished, and warm, fuzzy feelings felt, I think it time I retired to Lux.” Lucifer said, his skin crawling like he wanted to escape his body and this conversation. “I thank you all for your bravery, and for your affection. I… do not know how to properly thank you all for this so this will have to do the moment.”  
Miss Lopez gave him a much more fleeting hug, this time followed by Chloe. Dan stuck out his hand, and Lucifer took it, Dan then clapping him on the back. Miss Lopez went back to her station, and Chloe joined her.

“Hey, Lucifer?” Dan asked, just as Lucifer was about to walk away from this conversation and escape to his penthouse.

“Yes, Daniel?”

“Do you really think I’m a bloody brilliant human being?” Dan asked, his tone taking on their usual banter.

Lucifer huffed out a laugh. “I never lie, Daniel.”

Dan smiled.

“However,” Lucifer added, “do not take this to mean I will stop stealing your pudding, calling you a douche, or making fun of you every chance I get.”

Dan laughed, a genuine one, one he had scarcely heard since Charlotte’s death. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my attempt at Whumptober, I'll be posting as much as I can, under this series. Not all will be Lucifer but each story will be Whumptober. Some will.
> 
> If you liked it, let me know! I'm always down to talk Lucifer! Come find me at bloodyfeverdreams on tumblr. Leave a comment or come say hi! Whatever you're comfortable with!


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